Being a baby is such an amazing time in a person's life. Unless of course we're talking about the bong baby or the baby slapped by his mother on a Southwest flight (of course hopefully these instances are mere snippets of bad in an otherwise good existence).
I'm talking about the happy stuff -- no gloom and doom here -- the sunshine-y life is beautiful kind of crap -- not the wow what's that smell how did the poop get there kind of crap.
Being a baby (when you are a baby) has some incredible perks that I wish I still had -- things I wish I could get away with, still do without being considered a dolt, and even some really sentimental things that make me yearn for a simpler time, a time full of life and possibilities. Here are 24 reasons I wish I was still a baby -- or had some of the benefits of being one.
- Babies can pass gas and it's considered cute. Have you ever farted, smiled, and had another person say "good girl!"?
- Crying is immediately met with concern followed often by soothing and a lullaby.
- Head rubs. Having my head rubbed without begging for it from my husband sounds like the most amazing thing ever.
- Having a warm bath drawn for you and cute sudsy sponges gently scrubbing you clean.
- Babies are never too big for the tub -- it must feel like being in a luxurious jacuzzi.
- Everyone saying how adorable I am all the time.
- Naps. (Oh I remember you, naps, and I miss you so much.)
- Making a mess and never having to clean it up
- Having a personal stylist and never freaking out about what to wear.
- Never having to worry about finding a bathroom.
- Shaving, deodorant, and makeup isn't part of the daily routine.
- A baby's natural scent is always pleasant ... it's never Sniff "Did I even remember to shower today?" scent.
- Their milestones are met with excitement instead of dread -- my next milestone is menopause ... how can I be excited about that?
- Being fat is considered cute.
- There is never the question (or dread or argument) of who is making dinner.
- People sing and often speak in the softest and sweetest voice when talking to you.
- Toys can amuse for hours. My most exciting toy -- my vibrator -- gets old after two minutes.
- You always have a chauffeur.
- Going on the swings at a park is daring, adventurous, and exciting. You know what I have to do now to have daring, adventurous, and exciting after so many years on this earth?
- A baby's eyes see things for the very first time -- stray dogs are fun fluffy creatures (not flea bags), beeping horns elicit laughter (not rage), and those eyes aren't jaded.
- You make people smile just for being you. Even angry jaded people.
- Babies have a personal live-in manicurist.
- Something as simple as a ceiling fan provides hours of entertainment.
- You have grandmas and grandpas. I sure miss mine.
All of this makes me hope the time my babies are babies goes very slow, just so I can enjoy seeing them enjoy it for as long as I can.
Which one of these makes you most want to be a baby again?
Image via Michele Zipp