24 Perks Babies Have That Would Cost Me Millions & Need a Time Capsule to Have Again

Michele Zipp

twin babies with remoteBeing a baby is such an amazing time in a person's life. Unless of course we're talking about the bong baby or the baby slapped by his mother on a Southwest flight (of course hopefully these instances are mere snippets of bad in an otherwise good existence).

I'm talking about the happy stuff -- no gloom and doom here -- the sunshine-y life is beautiful kind of crap -- not the wow what's that smell how did the poop get there kind of crap.

Being a baby (when you are a baby) has some incredible perks that I wish I still had -- things I wish I could get away with, still do without being considered a dolt, and even some really sentimental things that make me yearn for a simpler time, a time full of life and possibilities. Here are 24 reasons I wish I was still a baby -- or had some of the benefits of being one.

  1. Babies can pass gas and it's considered cute. Have you ever farted, smiled, and had another person say "good girl!"?
  2. Crying is immediately met with concern followed often by soothing and a lullaby.
  3. Head rubs. Having my head rubbed without begging for it from my husband sounds like the most amazing thing ever.
  4. Having a warm bath drawn for you and cute sudsy sponges gently scrubbing you clean.
  5. Babies are never too big for the tub -- it must feel like being in a luxurious jacuzzi.
  6. Everyone saying how adorable I am all the time.
  7. Naps. (Oh I remember you, naps, and I miss you so much.)
  8. Making a mess and never having to clean it up
  9. Having a personal stylist and never freaking out about what to wear.
  10. Never having to worry about finding a bathroom.
  11. Shaving, deodorant, and makeup isn't part of the daily routine.
  12. A baby's natural scent is always pleasant ... it's never Sniff "Did I even remember to shower today?" scent.
  13. Their milestones are met with excitement instead of dread -- my next milestone is menopause ... how can I be excited about that?
  14. Being fat is considered cute.
  15. There is never the question (or dread or argument) of who is making dinner.
  16. People sing and often speak in the softest and sweetest voice when talking to you.
  17. Toys can amuse for hours. My most exciting toy -- my vibrator -- gets old after two minutes.
  18. You always have a chauffeur.
  19. Going on the swings at a park is daring, adventurous, and exciting. You know what I have to do now to have daring, adventurous, and exciting after so many years on this earth?
  20. A baby's eyes see things for the very first time -- stray dogs are fun fluffy creatures (not flea bags), beeping horns elicit laughter (not rage), and those eyes aren't jaded.
  21. You make people smile just for being you. Even angry jaded people.
  22. Babies have a personal live-in manicurist.
  23. Something as simple as a ceiling fan provides hours of entertainment.
  24. You have grandmas and grandpas. I sure miss mine.

All of this makes me hope the time my babies are babies goes very slow, just so I can enjoy seeing them enjoy it for as long as I can.

Which one of these makes you most want to be a baby again?


Image via Michele Zipp

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