New Mom Secrets: I Have Mixed Feelings on Having Another Baby

on July 19, 2010 at 9:49 AM

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets—we won't tell.

This Week's Secret:

My husband and I talked at length about only having one baby before we ever got pregnant with our son. A small family seemed sweet and perfect for us, as we're a couple that loves to travel and we doesn't usually roll around in money in our spare time (meaning: we're not super well-off).

Both my husband and I work outside the home as well, and we more-or-less enjoy doing so, and while day care isn't quite as expensive as, say, our mortgage, we certainly couldn't swing paying for two tots in daytime care.

But I've been feeling these pangs lately, these will-I-ever-be-pregnant-again pangs? These I-miss-my-tiny-baby pangs, too. They are easy to push down, and there are entire weeks at a time where I feel very content with our one boy. During those weeks I think if he's the only baby I ever have, I'll still be the luckiest mom in all the world.

Sometimes I want a new baby and think of how beautiful it would be to meet another person who calls me "mom" and has my husband's laugh. Sometimes I think we're good just as we are.

Suffice it to say, I don't know what's going on with me, with us, with our family, and our future. I think I'm okay with the "not knowing" for now. Until these pangs turn into desperate roars, I think we'll enjoy our family of three and live in the here and now.

We've talked of adopting one day, and that thought still makes me happy, and maybe our financial situation will one day change and we'll eventually move to a bigger house and we'll feel without-a-doubt ready to have another baby. Maybe not.

Who knows! Not me!

But I'm curious when you knew you were ready to have another baby or were you ever ready to have another one? What was your experience with adding to your family after your first baby?

Image via Jennie Canzoneri

Filed Under: mom secrets, newborns, time for mom

Comments (8)

RanaAurora

on Jul 19, 2010 at 11:21 AM

There is NOTHING wrong with considering having an only child, or two kids, or whatnot. What is the right amount for each family differs. It sounds like you're doing the SMART thing and not just letting baby fever run away with you, but really thinking about the impact it'd have on your family and your enjoyment of life.

That's okay and that's wise. Your plan to wait unless that urge overrides everything else or you find yourself in a position where the downs are made void is a good one. Stick with it.

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Lisa0626

on Jul 19, 2010 at 11:42 AM

I think your very smart to think things through. I also struggle with this very issue. My DH and I have a little girl and we love her very much. Were very happy and sometimes I think there is so much we want to do in life, maybe one child is all we need. But then like you, I think about having one more, maybe. I am not really sure either. I'll take a page from your book and live in the here and now as well. Good luck to you.

wildflowers25

on Jul 19, 2010 at 2:22 PM

I was sure before my first baby was even born he was all I'd ever want. My husband agreed. We were fine with being a family of three until right before our son turned two years old. Suddenly I had baby fever so bad I went to work on my husband trying to sell him on the idea. It took some time, I was beginning to think he would not ever get onboard. But one day he told me he was thinking about it and decided he wanted our son to have a sibling, someone to grow up with and lean on when we weren't there anymore. Now we are a family of four and I don't have those baby pangs anymore. Good luck to you and your family.

ethans_momma06

on Jul 19, 2010 at 4:44 PM

I had mixed feeling about getting pregnant with my second but I didn't have that 'done' feeling and didn't feel as if our family was complete, yet. I am so thrilled, however that he is here! It is hard, and like every change it comes with some good and some bad. Our family dynamic has definatly changed, we are stressed financially, but our hearts have grown again!

It's o.k. to wait. There is no 'right' size for a family, and if you are content with where your family is- stay that way until the feeling of contentment changes, if it ever does!

modernmom2010

on Jul 19, 2010 at 11:07 PM

As an only child myself, I have to say that growing up I ALWAYS knew that I would NEVER have only one child. Both of my parents worked a lot and mother was particularly distant-I was always by myself and very lonely.

People always assumed my entire life just b/c I was an only child I was a spoiled, selfish brat. I have also always been secretly jealous of my friends with big families who have such a tight bond with their siblings. I want my children to experience that.

Now I am married and have a 2.5 yr old son who is a joy to my life. I cannot wait to have another!

xavierlogan09

on Jul 19, 2010 at 11:47 PM

i see nothing wrong with having one child. i have one son. my fiance and i know that we don't want more children. we were both poor growing up. so we want to be able to give our son everything we didn't have. if we have more children we won't be able to give them everything we want them to have. i'm very content being the only lady in the house. lol. every time i tell someone i don't want more children they look at me like i'm nuts. i just ignore them. whatever you and your husband feel is right for your family is what's best for you.

Pnukey

on Jul 20, 2010 at 11:59 AM

I really didn't want to have only one, but it took us 4 1/2 years to gear up for #2. Now, we have our 2 and that's it.

Carey2006

on Aug 4, 2010 at 1:55 AM

I still do have mixed feeling and I'm running out of time..I'm over 40 and would like one more child but I'm afraid of dying in childbirth and leaving my son motherless.