Motherhood Has Made Me Fragile

Sona Charaipotra
12

Baby in a Crib

The stories of moms flushing newborns down airplane toilets or babysitters shaking a 6-week-old until they have brain damage bring me to tears. I. Just. Can't. Handle. It.

Is it just me? Or have people seemed to have gotten so much less, well, human over the past few years?

I guess it's true. Being a mom has made me fragile in ways I'd never imagined.

Since I had Kavya, I've become so hyper-sensitive to the dramas and traumas inflicted by the world around me. Stories I would have brushed off in the past now linger and fester, and I can't help but dwell.

Last night, after reading several of these horrible stories in a row, I couldn't sleep. And I couldn't let my poor husband, who had an 8 a.m. class, sleep either. I just kept replaying these events in my head, exclaiming to him repeatedly, "How could someone do that to a helpless little child? A baby at that?"

I think about Kavi's expression half the time, bewildered as she is by the workings of the world. I just feel that fierce instinct to protect her from it all. And forget leaving her with some random babysitter. I can't bring myself to do it. But I know I can't be with her every minute of every day.

As my husband pointed out yesterday -- while giving me those repeated bear hugs and assuring me that, in the end, it'll be okay -- all we can do is provide the best and protect our little ones, give them enough comfort and love to be brave enough to go out there. That's our plan for Kavi. I want her to be able to face the world head-on. And yet ...

I know you can't tune out the world. But sometimes, I really just want to lock us up in our cozy little apartment, unplug the TV and the Internet, and leave it be at the three of us, where it's safe.

How do you manage to tune out the traumas of the world?


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