We had a load of things to talk about in baby news this week. Whether it's bad parenting, co-sleeping or babies ruining everything you all weighed in with verve.
Here are my picks for the best reader comments of the week:
Well, yeah, babies will totally ruin the life you had before you had a baby - you certainly can't go back to being Number One in your life once you've had a child (or at least, let's hope you don't.....). My pre-baby life was shattered when my water broke.
But in no way is that a bad thing. I'm a much better person now that I'm not the star of my own show. I love more, forgive more, appreciate more, laugh more (sometimes to keep from crying more), and understand far more than I ever would have as a childless woman.
I fully believe that not everyone is meant to be a parent. And I fully believe some people are not whole until they have a child.
I'll be co-sleeping with both of my kids (and my cat, plus any future cats) for as long as they'll let me! Right now I'm looking at my queen bed wondering how I'm going to fit in (have a 3 year old, 3 month old, and their guardian, my cat Mads, all sprawled out).
My 17 month old son hates vegetables, so the only ways I can get him to eat them are by mixing spinach into scrambled eggs and cheese. the spinach wilts so it's not this big thing that he has to chew. He likes some veggies if they are cooked and have some cheese on them. I make a creamy veggie casserole and he likes that. You can try to give your baby some slices of banana into the bagel with peanut butter. It's mushy enough that he might not even tell he is eating a fruit!
Michele talked about the pain of babies who bite while breastfeeding and BiteyBabe had a fantastic tip:
My babe started teething at 3 1/2 months, and he was a little bitey. My plan to wean once he got teeth went straight out the window, and I turned to the trusty Dr. Sears baby book my aunt sent me - short, easy solution that is so counter-intuitive you'd have to hear it from someone else: pull him IN instead of OFF. Seemed a little mean, but it was really took less than a second and I'll be darned if it didn't work and he hasn't bitten me since (and he's almost a year now, still nursing happily).
Michele shared a pediatrician's office incident where a mom was rough with her child that caused her to judge her harshly, while still admitting she didn't know what was really happening in that mom, or child's life. You responded, and how! I read them all, but kept coming back to the very first one by toriandgrace that just felt right:
I have screamed at my four year old when she's hurt me before. It's not right and it's not necessary, but sometimes when it's finals week, my husband is deployed, my dogs just ate my favorite sandal (again), and my daughter has been whining all day, I snap and yell. It's not justifiable, but it happens. If it happens in public (not sure that it has) then feel free to judge me as well. If she had hit the child, or pulled the child's hair to show that it hurt, then I would classify her as a bad mom. Occasionally screaming, while not good parenting, isn't really the end of the world.
I live in New York and I agree that it should be a law not to smoke in a vehicle with children. It's just too bad that parents don't have enough common sense not to smoke around their kids without some law telling them not to.
Having two children close in age is a real adjustment. Like you said there's a total revamping of thinking that needs to go with it all. My second child did need a lot more attention and everything. I tried to divide the time up as best I could between both of them. And squeeze in all the other chores that need to be taken care of on a regular basis. It's good that your mom can help and give you good advice when you need it.
I haven't slept in a dozen years.
We're all our own worst enemy aren't we? Envying that mystical thing we don't have. I was a working mom with my first, and I was just sick with envy for SAHMs. Now that I'm at home, I do miss the demands of my nonprofit fundraising job.... But the reality is, staying home won the mini-mommy-war in my head. I dorkily enjoy playtime with the kids, accomplish enough household tasks that our family life is simpler, and carve our time for friendships and creative writing when I can.
I don't begrudge anyonee else's decision,but the internal battle-of-the-mommy-guilts was an intense one. Even worse, now that I'm satisfied with my decision as a good one for our family and for me... I worry that I'm not the best role model for my daughters... but I'll go back, or amp up my current, piddly freelancing work, at some point. Phew... Just writing about it wears me out.
Image via Heather F