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As I read another article about someone who stopped breastfeeding, I wondered why we all have to justify our breastfeeding, or lack of, to the outside world. I'm sure some of you will remind me in the comments.
I'm especially surprised by Erin Zammett Rudy's essay in Redbook describing her struggle when she quit breastfeeding because she was on her third bout of mastitis in one month and she had to go back on her cancer drugs. Cancer. Is that a good enough excuse to stop breastfeeding?
I feel like the breastfeeding issue is almost as polarizing as the last presidential election in this country. The extremists won't take no for an answer when someone says, "Ya know, maybe breast isn't always best," prompting essays like this one where this woman has suffered so much, yet she still feels guilty for giving her baby formula.
Of course her baby is thriving, not obese, not prone to illness. Just like millions of other healthy babies and children who have active, healthy parents looking after their every need but couldn't -- or wouldn't -- breastfeed for six months or a year, or even a day. (We all could point out a sniffly, sickly kid who was exclusively breastfed and compare to the fit kid with the strong immune system who was given formula ... and vice versa.)
The point is, let's give mamas a break. Whether you breastfeed or bottle, we're all in the business of raising happy, healthy kiddos. Genetics and what comes after those six months play a much larger role than the boob.
Comments (14)
You're right that guilting people doesn't achieve anything productive. However, educating and informing women about the value of breastfeeding, the immense benefits to both mother and baby (lowering breast cancer rates, besides all the usually brought up benefits), and the common 'Booby Traps' and difficulties that women face, is not guilting.
Information doesn't equal judgement. Whether or not Erin Zammett Rudy felt guilty isn't really relevant. I'm sure that in hers shoes I would feel a lot of grief and sadness and failure and guilt just because my sweet baby would want to nurse and I'd be unable to. But there are many, many women, who don't nurse from day one. And maybe, just maybe, if they knew the value of colostrum, if they had the support they needed, if everyone was quicker to bring a meal than say "maybe it won't work out", if they knew other women who had, more sweet babies would have the joy and benefits of being breastfed.
I agree with a lot of what Natalie said . Breast is best ... but if a mom is sick or cannot breastfeed for medical reasons, then in that case, breast is not best, of course. But if a mom can breastfeed, it is best for the baby.
Our society was brainwashed in the 60s when women were told breast isn't best, and formula was. The formula business thrived and mothers didn't breastfeed. Thankfully we've returned to the breast is best thought and of course there are exceptions. Just like with everything. But we cannot deny the positive implications breastfeeding has on children and their health. And the incredible bonding it fosters between mother and child. Women need to know this. Each woman can decide if she wants to breastfeed or not, but the facts should be known so she can make an informed decision.
breast is not best... whatever the mom chooses is best.
Thing is... breastfeeding advocates ask lots of questions to try to understand why you quit, and since every single person who quits spills all their reasons every single time breastfeeding is mentioned, it's not too hard. BUT then you start hearing, "Did you try this?" and "Could you do this instead?" because not only are they trying to help you assuming you DO want to continue (because why would you lament having to stop if you didn't?) but also so they can gather information on your personal situation to better understand your reasons and be able to help someone else in the similar situation who DOES want to continue.
NO advocate is going to say, "Cancer schmancer. Suck it up," and painting advocates as such is just rude. However with lesser absolutes, people need to either straight up say, "The doctor wants me to quit and I'm glad - no I don't want help" or appreciate it when people start asking questions about their particular problem, medication, etc. because they want to help you succeed.
I very much agree with both Natalie and Michele.
Breast is always, ALWAYS best... but it's NOT always possible and everyone, even the most hardcore advocate, actually does understand that, contrary to popular belief.
(We all could point out a sniffly, sickly kid who was exclusively breastfed and compare to the fit kid with the strong immune system who was given formula ... and vice versa.)
Right, and actual science and research makes personal anecdotes like those irrelevant, irritating and a display of a lack of understanding of science. "I smoked while pregnant and my kid is fine, my friend didn't and her kid has asthma... so which is best?" sure sounds uneducated right? Yes, it does.
I believe it is important to educate people on the benefits of breastfeeding, but not to put guilt on people for choosing not to. There are so many reasons out there that people have for not breastfeeding. They should not feel like they have to defend their reasons. As a breastfeeding mom who is now weaning her child at 7 months, I'm constantly feeling guilty about giving my daughter formula because I've read and heard so much from breastfeeding advocates about how there is always a fix for why you can't or aren't breastfeeding. It reminds me alot of religion or politics in a sense. I believe people should do the research and decide for themselves what is best. You wouldn't want someone telling you how to raise your child or how to discipline them, so why do people feel the need to worry about what other people are feeding their children. I do however believe that women should atleast make an effort if they are able, to try breastfeeding and not give up so easily. I for one had a very difficult time with it at first and it was uncomfortable, but I stuck with it and am glad I did. Anyhow that is my 2 cents.
Breast is normal, not best.
A woman being treated for cancer should not breastfeed. She could feel quite sad about this, but not guilty.
The evidence shows clearly that formula is an inferior substitute for what women make, and has shown this since the 1920s and 30s.
What has to happen is that business, governments and society have to learn to help mothers feed their babies. If the mother doesn't or won't, then human milk should be available for her baby. Why should her baby suffer, now that we know human milk is the best food for human babies?
The marketing of human milk substitutes has to be regulated, as tobacco has been. The public is kept from knowing the truth so that industry can make money. The truth is that formula has, does, and will always make babies sick or lead to their death.
Please realize that any research is not talking about YOU or YOUR BABY; research is comparing 10,000 babies fed human milk with 10,000 babies not. One group will be generally healthier than the other.
Breastfeeding is like wearing a seatbelt; no guarantee of survival in a car crash and increasing your chances of living.
Why in the world would a cancer patient feel guilty for not breastfeeding? She shouldn't and as Rana has already said no real breastfeeding advocate would want her to. If she did things to cause the type of cancer that she has then she might feel guilty but that guilt should not be pushed on her. I can't really say anything better than Rana has already said so I'll just say "what she said!"
I do not BF cause I was told by many doctors that I can not. Does that give someone the right to bash me for saying I have a valid medical reason why I do not? Nope I get bashed anyway and told that I am lazy and just using that as a reason and if I would try it would work. How can you get something to work when even doctors and lactate specialest can not get it to work or even make a drop come out. It is one thing to give advice but to jump on one for something they have a vaild medical resaon for is way different. My 4yo is a very active very healthy little girl has only been sick once in her 4 years and she was a formula baby, our neighbor girl is the same age and was BF and she is a sick little girl. Genetics play a big role in the immune system of a child. For the ones that can and do go for it that is your choice for the ones that use formula cause they either can't or won't BF that is your choice. Like this lady said we are all raising our babies here it is our choice on how we do it, as long as they are happy and healthy then what is the big deal.
*headshake*....Breast is, of course, ALWAYS best BARRING ANY MEDICAL/HEALTH ISSUES.
Why is this concept so hard for people to agree on?
Every mother is going to do as they see fit while raising their child, but to say "Breast is normal, not best"? That's a big FAIL right there.