My Co-Sleeping Resolution

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teddy bear on bed
Flickr photo by ganesha.isis
A couple of weeks ago, I dished on the great co-sleeping debate going on between my husband and I. He wants our twins to move into their own room and I would like our 4-month-olds to stay in the co-sleeper next to our bed for a yet-to-be determined amount of time.

No doors were slammed during this quiet argument, but we did go to bed mad and didn't really talk much the next morning as we both got ready to leave for work.

Later that night, we talked. 

He explained that what made him the most upset was that I couldn't tell him when I wanted the kids to move out of our room. He is a man of exactness, always punctual -- if not early -- and works off a precise schedule in just about everything he does in life. (It's not as annoying as it sounds.)

We both agreed to read our opposing chapters on co-sleeping in the books we love and revisit the conversation after that.

As we all know, marriage is all about compromise and even The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears (the philosophy I feel strongly about) says that both parents must agree on co-sleeping. And that is so true. If hubs is not happy about all of us in the same room, then that negative energy will permeate the air and we'll all have nightmares. 

Yes, I believe in this hippie dippy kind of stuff.

We read the books, even read all of your comments on the first post -- yes, even my husband -- and we talked. Calmly.

We chatted about how we are both working parents and we both cherish the time we spend at home with the babies. He told me how proud he is of me for tandem breastfeeding twins, pumping at work, and wanting to continue as long as I can. I told him how great a father he is and how I love to watch him read in that silly voice to the kids. 

It was a good talk.

But we are just on opposite sides of the co-sleeping debate.

He wants them to move into their room soon because he believes the transition will be easier now than when they are older. It didn't help that when we went to the pediatrician the other day and he asked her about when she thought they should sleep in their own room, she responded, "If you wait until after 6 months, it will be harder because they start to form habits by then."

Thanks a lot, doctor!

And then my man got all romantical. Well, sexual. As some of you thought, he misses the sweet lovin' our bedroom used to see.

So this is what we agreed on -- at 5 1/2 months, we're going to try putting the twins to bed in their own room for one night (on the weekend when neither of us have to get up early for work the next day). We'll see how it goes and talk about it more after that. 

In the meantime, I've got to get our sexy groove thing back. I'm hoping if I up the ante in the lovemaking department, he won't see the babies as roadblocks in our bump n' grind. And the co-sleeping can continue.

sleep

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RanaA... RanaAurora

I'm glad you guys came to a compromise you can both live with... and you upped the lovin'. ;)

Pishyah Pishyah

I'm so happy that you two were able to talk about it in such a calm and loving manner! That's so sweet!

If you show him that the rest of the house deserves lovin' then maybe he won't feel so strongly about the bedroom... Just a thought. ; D

Ems629 Ems629

Thanks for the update. It's lovely to hear that new parents can function as well as you guys. Good luck. So much changes in a few months with newborns, I'm sure you'll find you'll both be approaching the co-sleep issue from different perspectives, anyway! Like, "Man it's hot there in Brooklyn! I'm shvitzing! No one touch me for the next two weeks!" lol

ethan... ethans_momma06

It's SO important to be able to talk about these things and get to the core of the matter so you guys can come to a solution together, and it sound like you did. :) So happy that you guys were able to talk through this and come to a solution that will make things better ;)

nonmember avatar dawn

I have 4 children and I realize that everyone has their own opion on everything so I figured I'd offer mine, lol! It's great that you and your husband came to an understanding, my hubby and I don't argue about and never have but we know and understand each others concerns on this. All of our children have co-slept with us and moved from our bed between 1 & 2yrs. Our 2 oldest, now 10 & 8, had no problems our 5 yr is a bit more difficult she usually comes into our bed 4-5 times a wk and sleeps at the foot of it. My youngest is 1 1/2 & we are starting to ween her into her own bed, for us it has been great, it makes it easier especially when you are working. I would have never done anything different, it has been a great experience for us even with all the greif we have had because of it. I wish you all the best.

nonmember avatar midwestmom

my hubby and i also disagree on co-sleeping, but he always relents. i think the real issue is, as you say, intimacy and time alone with your spouse, not so much the sleeping arrangement per se, especially if your babes are in a co-sleeper. also, it seems to me that the "habit" your pediatrician mentions is more about *how* the babes fall asleep and not *where* they sleep (unless you are thinking about night-weaning). anyway, our compromise has been to work on getting our two year old an earlier bedtime and minimizing the time it takes to get her to sleep. hopefully this will ease the transition to her own bed and own room as well!

Betha... Bethany2035

I'm glad the two of you reached an action plan! Of course, I'm on your side. We co-slept until my daughter was almost a year old. And we had zero problem moving her to her own room. Hope that eases your mind!

nonmember avatar Amy

My biggest reason to continue co sleeping was nightly breast feeding. As long as my daughter was still needing to nurse at night, I didn't want her in another room. Who wants to get up at 3 am and walk the cold walk to another room. My daughter is 2 and is happy in her own big girl bed, but she was with us until probably 9-10 months.

nonmember avatar Oneika

My husband fully agreed to co-sleep (& bed share when our boys were old enough). He & all of his siblings slept in the room & nursed until they were 2, so he was completely ok with us doing that if I wanted to. Our first son was ok going to his own room at 4 mos, but we still napped together & if he wakes up in the middle of the night (he is almost 5) is allowed in our room. He usually doesn't sleep with us at all & when he does, it's usually not until after 6am. Our second child didn't want to go to his room until 18 mos. He still wakes up by 2am most nights & comes to sleep with us. Being a parent means compromise & forcing your children to do something they aren't ready for causes more stress than anything. You can get creative for romance, being greedy about kicking your kids out b/c that's the only room you want to be romantic in is selfish. You're babies won't be babies forever.

monke... monkeymom1104

So you're working, breastfeeding twins and he thinks he gets a say! I'm sorry but he needs to get over it or temporary move to another room. You and the babies are getting more sleep this way and you're doing what is best by breastfeeding!

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