The Great Co-Sleeping Debate

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crib
Flickr photo by inottowa
The other night I left work a little earlier than normal to be home for a feeding instead of staying late to pump.

I got in position, my twins at my breasts, I took a deep breath in, out, and had a sip of water. Life was good.

Then hubs called out from the kitchen, "Can we talk about something?"

"Sure."

While messing with the recyclables, he mentions for the umpteenth time that he thinks it's time for the babies to sleep in their own room. They currently shack up in the co-sleeper beside our bed.

I did my usual bit -- gave him a big smile and said, "Nope. Not yet."

But hubs wanted to convince me it was time. He said, "No more silly smiles about this. They have to move into their own room."

My heart! A flash of my babies lives went before me. Cut to the first time they go off to school. The first time they slam their bedroom door in my face. The first date. The day they move out of the house.

I'm not ready to deal with this now, not at almost 4 months old.

"They are too big for the co-sleeper," he said.

I wanted to suggest that we move the crib into our room, but I knew that would just make him angry. But I still did a good job of that even without saying it.

My response: "I have to nurse them in the middle of the night -- it's less disruptive for everyone if they are right next to me. Plus, I work all day and I miss them. This is the only time during the week that I can be close to them."

"But they are sleeping!"

"But they are right there next to me. I need to feel that closeness, it builds bonds."

(Yes, I really said that.)

"We talked about this," he said, voice getting LOUDER, "we agreed that we both need to work. Are you saying you don't want to work?"

My higher-pitched voice started now, "That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm simply saying I don't want to move the kids into their room."

Then I started telling him about what I read in Dr. Sears' The Attachment Parenting Book and how c-sleeping is good and I am pissed he hasn't read the book even though I gave it to him the last time he spent some time on the throne in the bathroom and he cuts me off saying the book he read says to move the babies in their own room.

So I tell him that he shouldn't believe everything he reads and he cuts me off again and says neither should I. Touche.

"But my maternal instinct tells me that I want the babies to sleep next to me!"

I stopped short of telling him that he should just sleep in the nursery.

By this time, I've worked myself up. The twins, who were trying to breastfeed, have both slipped off my nipples are were squirming. I felt my heart beating fast, anxiety kicking in.

We go to bed. The twins and I. Hubs stayed up for I don't know how long. No kiss goodnight. Bed. Mad.

We barely spoke the next morning, though he did make me eggs before I left for work. I have no idea how to resolve this. The line has been drawn and we are on opposite sides.

How do you handle it when you and your husband disagree on parenting issues? When did your baby move into her own room?

bonding, sleep