I had a miscarriage. How should I talk about it with family and friends? Pregnancy Loss

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No matter the circumstances, suffering a pregnancy loss can be devastating. In the midst of grieving and caring for yourself as best as you can, you may be considering how to go about the truly difficult task of telling friends and family that you suffered a miscarriage. Here, experts and moms share their thoughts. 

The Most Important Thing Is That You Do Talk About It

"Trusting, open communication with people who can offer you positive support is an important part of the healing process after a miscarriage. I don't think there is any specific way to talk about it; I think it is most important that you actually talk about it. It's remarkable how many of my patients who have experienced a pregnancy loss feel isolated at first. They later find out after sharing their own story that many close friends and family have had similar experiences and simply never...

"Trusting, open communication with people who can offer you positive support is an important part of the healing process after a miscarriage. I don't think there is any specific way to talk about it; I think it is most important that you actually talk about it. It's remarkable how many of my patients who have experienced a pregnancy loss feel isolated at first. They later find out after sharing their own story that many close friends and family have had similar experiences and simply never spoken about it." -- Juliet Mushi, MD, FACOG, maternal fetal medicine specialist at Westchester Medical Center, the flagship of the Westchester Medical Center Health Network, Valhalla, New York

It's a Personal Decision

"That is a personal decision. The best option is to be truthful but give minimal information about medical reasons, etc. In general, miscarriages are not the result of anything wrong or harmful done by the patient, and there is no negative impact on the likelihood of having a future successful pregnancy." -- Iffath Hoskins, MD, clinical associate professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at NYU Langone Health, New York, New York

There Is No Right or Wrong

"There is no right or wrong way to talk about miscarriage. I had six. You just talk from the heart. Every person will do it differently; healing is different for each of us."

You Could Write to Them

"Honesty, I know it seems cold, but you could write a group email that starts with something like, 'We are deeply saddened that...' Just to give close family and friends a heads-up, and so you don't have to have an extensive conversation with everyone individually over and over again."

Let Close Loved Ones Be the Messengers

"I had one a few years ago, and it took a while to be able to talk about it without tears. I personally liked to get some control over my emotions before telling a lot of people. I told my parents and let them tell others since I didn't want to talk about it."

Tell Them What You Need

"Be as honest as you feel comfortable. Let your family and friends know if you'd rather be left alone or if you want them around and to call and check in with you. It's so personal, and every experience is going to be different. Your family and friends want to support you as best they can."

The advice on CafeMom aims to educate, inform, and provide a range of solutions to the issues moms care about. It is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.